


in this funny little world

by pettigrace



Series: why we look up to the sky [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Guardian Angels, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Bisexual Character, Canon Bisexual Character, Fluff, Gay Male Character, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Minor Character Death, technically the boys are dead but you don't know how or why or when so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-15
Updated: 2016-08-15
Packaged: 2018-08-09 00:20:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7779313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pettigrace/pseuds/pettigrace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>By now, there's more than 8 billion people on planet earth. Which means there are more than 8 billion Guardian Angels, too. That means the chance of meeting the same Guardian Angel three times is very small.</p>
            </blockquote>





	in this funny little world

**Author's Note:**

> This is a follow-up of my previous multichapter fic "[the mountains sink below me](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7600528/chapters/17296750)" but can also be read as a stand-alone. Reading the other is not required but can be helpful for understanding the concept of Guardian Angels I developed.
> 
> The title is from Alexander Rybak's song of the same title.

Small minds would assume that living through the entire life of someone else could get boring. In fact, Magnus remembers one of his protégés from years ago to say that exact phrase to him, asking if it's possible for a Guardian Angel to have two people to look after at the same time. Back then he'd told Raphael that it wouldn't be possible because of the limited attention span. 

While that's probably true, Magnus wouldn't even  _ want _ to look after more than one person. It's thrilling to see their up and downs, to feel along with them - it's like reading a book but at the same time it's so much more personal because it's so much realer. 

He's three lives after Raphael’s and he's had different people. One of them had a moderately easy life where he didn't have to step in. The girl after Raphael had always been a good one until she slipped into an addiction. Magnus tried his best but he couldn't protect her. It broke his heart to watch her ruin herself. The next one pulled a Romeo and Juliet. 

His current protégé - Beatrice - is grown into a beautiful woman, almost 40 years of age and has two children, a girl in her early twenties who's travelling the world, a boy who's attending a private school in America while his mother lives in her home country, France. Ten years ago, she'd tried to kill herself over a cheating husband. Been too worked up to pay attention to Magnus. 

Her second wedding is the first time he sees  _ him _ . You see, Guardian Angels can see each other. Usually they pass by like other people on the street. You register them but you probably wouldn't be able to pick their face out of twenty others, even though they have kind of an aura around them - a soft light glowing against their skin. When they face their protégés, that little special is gone for whatever reason. Magnus guesses it’s that way so that they don’t freak them out completely. 

Beatrice’s son brought his boyfriend to the wedding - the guy he'd been meddling with for the past year, the guy he finally got together with a few months ago. Naturally, Beatrice had said it would be okay to bring him along. They'd spoken each other a few times on the phone or via video calls, but never seen each other in real life, so Magnus never had a chance to see  _ him _ before. 

But he recognizes him as soon as he stepped out of the car, following his protégé. The Angel, a tall and lean man with black hair, is someone he's seen in a past life. In Raphael’s life to be precise. 

He's one of the constants that have been around, one of the things Raphael had never noticed until Magnus has stepped into his life. 

He's never met someone he's seen in a past life as a Guardian Angel - it surprises him, although he should know better. After all, he used to live as a human, too. 

As Beatrice’s son introduces his mum and boyfriend properly, Magnus gets to get a closer look on Alec. He remembers him, probably more than anyone else, because he'd always made quite an impression on him. He used to have this aura of security around him and even now, he looks more like a soldier than an Angel. 

If Alec has even noticed him, he ignores him. 

Magnus keeps looking for him throughout the whole party. And after that, whenever Beatrice and Jesse’s ways cross. 

  
  


Marty has no reason to be such an asshole, actually. His parents have raised him as good as they could and Magnus has made sure he never hit his head too hard. Why he decided then that he's better than anyone else just because he's white, rich and straight is beyond him. 

_ Oh _ , if he only knew that his Guardian Angel is a bisexual man born in Asia who hadn’t exactly lived in the most wealthy family. Magnus really hopes that Marty really fucks up one day to be faced with him - though, actually, while Marty is a jerk, it doesn't really ever put  _ himself _ into a bad position. Bad people have all the luck. 

Funny enough, he meets Alec in this life. 

His protégé is a small black girl who doesn't exactly look like the sportiest person. She's quite adorable. 

Naturally, Marty doesn't share his opinion. 

Magnus doesn't even want to know what Alec may think of him after that brief meeting. 

He's glad that he doesn't see him again during the 65 years that Marty continues to live because that means his protégé can't be mean to the small girl any more. 

 

This may sound weird but Magnus thinks he's haunted. He's a Guardian Angel. He's dead. He used to live but then he died and now he's an Angel, looking after people who are alive. How can he be haunted, you ask? 

By now, there's more than 8 billion people on planet earth. Which means there are more than 8 billion Guardian Angels, too. That means the chance of meeting the same Guardian Angel three times is very small. And to see him that often in life after life is an even smaller chance. 

So why is the Guardian of the therapist of his protégé nobody else but the boy who lived his own life as Alexander Lightwood? 

Magnus stares at him. He's done this in the past lives, too. Alec’s appearance is that of his late teenage years, maybe early twenties. Raphael hadn't actually seen him as much, especially not when they got older, so Magnus remembers him just like this. 

He wonders why they get stuck in certain appearances. Why does he look like he did in his late twenties? He remembers feeling most confident at that age. Maybe that's the reason. 

Alec ignores him, which is really rude considering there's only two people other than them in the room. 

Magnus tries waving to gather his attention, but that doesn't have any effect. So he makes his protégé knock over their glass of water. 

Alec gives him a pointed look at that. Magnus replies with a grin. 

This becomes a game between them. Alec would try to ignore him and Magnus would attract his attention  _ somehow _ . His poor protégé is doomed to be incredibly clumsy for the rest of their doctor’s appointments. 

 

Magnus had never tried talking to another Guardian. He doesn't know if it's forbidden, per se. Would his protégé hear him talking? 

He's never even considered it, simply because his protégés were the ones to fix their life, not others. He only had to talk to them, nobody else. 

Also, he's never really  _ wanted _ to talk to another Guardian Angel. But now. 

He's met Alec in the next life, too. Alec’s protégé is a regular at the grocery store his own works at. 

One day, he just spurts out, “ _ How _ do we keep meeting?”

Alec shrugs, looking unsure for a second. “Wish I knew.”

Magnus checks if his protégé has stopped scanning groceries, if he has noticed him talking - nothing. 

“I don't believe it's a coincidence.”, Magnus continues. “Do you?”

Alec looks at him for a moment, his brown eyes showing a stern expression. He doesn't answer. 

“I'm Magnus. I've seen you in  _ your _ life.”, Magnus tells him. “I wasn't  _ your _ Guardian Angel.”, he adds when Alec looks at him in surprise. 

“I know. I've met mine.”, Alec answers. “Whose were you?”

“Raphael Santiago. You probably don't remember him--”

“I don't.”

“That's a pity. He was a good man.”, Magnus assures him, thinking of the Latino and his love for his mother. 

Alec doesn't agree but neither does he protest. He must know by now that it's not the Angel who forms his protégé. 

They talk each time they see each other after that, Magnus talking more than Alec, but he can't actually mind. At least a conversation is happening. 

 

In the next life, Magnus doesn't meet Alec until his protégé is 14 years old. It's weird, actually - Magnus is  _ waiting _ for the other to appear. There's never been a flicker of doubt inside of him that they'll meet again. There's no way their paths would cross so often just out of random. 

And when Sam, his protégé, enters his town's dojo, Magnus can't help but smile when Alec appears. 

Magnus can't quite tell who's Guardian Alec is, but all that matters is that he is  _ here _ and most likely will be here the next times that he comes here, too. Magnus hopes Sam will enjoy the lessons. 

Alec sees him, too, and gives him a nod. Magnus could swear he sees a twitch in Alec’s lips. 

As it turns out during the next few classes Sam goes to (he does seem to enjoy judo, thank God), Alec’s protégé is one of the older judokas. She and Sam barely even pass ways, but more often than not, Magnus finds himself closer to Alec than Sam. Of course, half his attention is fixed on the boy. The other is fixed on another boy. 

“What? How is that supposed to work?”, Magnus says, raising an eyebrow as he watches the trainer show a particularly difficult technique. He shows it to confuse the beginners and to teach the more advanced. 

Alec  _ smirks _ at him. “It's… logical.”

“Oh, really?”, Magnus replies. “If it's so  _ logical _ , show me.”

It's actually an empty offer. They're transcendent beings, they can't touch anything so Alec wouldn't be able-- and suddenly Alec’s right hand is touching the lapels of his jacket and his left his arm. 

Alec is  _ touching _ him. 

Magnus had no idea that was possible. And before he can even process that, he's lying on his back with Alec standing over him. 

In the next moment Alec holds out his hand to help him up and Magnus takes it immediately because  _ he can touch Alec _ . Can he touch other Guardians, too? He's never tried. He doesn't even want to. 

Speaking of other Guardians, the others can see them, too, naturally. But they're like Alec when their paths have crossed for the first time. They look away. 

Magnus can't help but grin as he holds onto Alec’s hand for a bit longer than he needs to. “Had a judo master for your protégé?”

Alec shakes his head. “Used to take classes.”

“You did?”, Magnus says. Even when he'd been Raphael’s guard, he hadn't known anything personal about Alec other than the fact he was related to both Isabelle and Jace. Somehow. It was a confusing family. 

“Yes, got to the brown belt.”, Alec tells him. 

“That's pretty advanced, isn't it?”, Magnus asks. All his knowledge about the sport is from past protégés lives and the last one who kept  _ doing _ martial arts was at least 15 lives ago. 

“Second last.”, Alec states. He doesn't sound like showing off but he doesn't play it down either. It's just how it's been. 

Magnus looks at him, waiting for a reaction to happen. After all, Alec’s life hasn't been too long ago. He must still miss it. 

Magnus barely remembers his own. He's lived several hundred lives by now, learning a lot in each and every of them. He's pretty sure he doesn't even have his own personality any more. 

Alec doesn't say anything more so they just stand there, side by side, and watch the lesson. 

In the next few months, they see each other regularly during the training sessions. They talk some more and Magnus learns about what Alec’s life has been like. It's intriguing, really, because he's never had anybody to  _ tell _ him about their life. Usually, he's right there for the entirety of the life of the only person that should matter for him. 

Alec’s not really an oversharing person but he does tell things about himself and Magnus hangs onto every word he utters. He remembers a few things from off-hand conversations Raphael and Simon have had where they'd mention Alec, but it's an entirely different thing to hear them from himself. About his parents, who've been pastors, his siblings, the people he's met in his life… Magnus doesn't really know about any of those. 

“When have you met your Guardian?”, Magnus asks one day, recalling what Alec had once mentioned. 

“Before I proposed to my girlfriend.”, Alec says quietly. 

Magnus wants to know more. He wants to know why  _ that's _ been the reason his Guardian had appeared. Had he not meant to propose? But he doesn't dare to ask. It's not his story. 

Somehow, it bugs him that Alec has had a girlfriend - probably had been married in his life. He doesn't know how old Alec had gotten in the end, but he  _ hopes _ he's had a long life with a spouse and children. But it bothers him because now  _ they're _ repeatedly placed in the same environments, always doomed to meet. It reminds him of how humans who are supposed to be in each other's lives keep meeting. 

He and Alec are both dead. Their lives have been over for centuries. They've had their chances before to be around the right people. But maybe, even Angels have another chance on luck. 

After a year or so, Sam stops taking classes because he can barely keep up with school work. Magnus sees Alec for the last time in this life when Sam hands in the cancellation of his membership. 

 

Magnus is proud to say that his current protégé, Johann, developed into a pretty cool guy. He would've gotten along with him, probably. If he'd known him in his life, he'd probably have had a crush on the guy with his tall build and dark eyes. Even if he's seen him become the man he is, he can still admit that he looks great, right? That's not creepy. 

Since he's not only good looking but also has a great personality, of course he becomes the godfather of his sister's first child. He's the one who brings her to the hospital even though he doesn't get to be there during the birth. 

When the daughter arrives, though, he finally gets to go inside and look after his sister and greet his niece. 

Magnus would lie if he said he's surprised that  _ Alec _ is the little girl’s Guardian. What surprises him is that the others eyes are focused on the child and that he looks like he's about to  _ cry _ . 

“She looks like my sister.”, Alec says softly and looks up at Magnus. Whether he's seen him before or just guessed that he's there, Magnus doesn't know, but he walks over to him and curls an arm around Alec’s waist. 

They’re looking down at her and while Mangus barely remembers Isabelle, he can guess where Alec makes the connection. She’s a beautiful baby.

 

Magnus and Alec see each other almost every day for the next four years until a car runs over Sofia. 

 

Magnus had actually thought he wouldn't see Alec again in this life. And frankly, he hadn't actually thought this life would last this long. 

Everyone was broken after Sofia’s death. Johann had fallen into a severe depression upon the death of his niece and a lot of times, Magnus has had to appear, to help him find a way. Thankfully, Johann tended to listen to him. 

He's old now, having been put in a retirement home since his wife can't take care of him anymore and his son doesn't live close enough. It's always a tricky situation to see your protégé like this - you've seen them as a baby, a child, a teenager and adult. You've been with them through everything so it's only natural you're also there when they are close to dying. And yet, you never want them to. It's natural to have grown fond of them and it's a bittersweet feeling. 

Today's the day Johann gets a personal nurse who'll keep an eye on him at night. During the day, lots of people are rushing around so they could easily step in if something in his body fails at last - at night, however, it's a different thing. 

The nurse is a middle-aged woman, beautiful red-brownish hair put into a messy bun that frames her face. She seems very cute. 

What catches his interest more than how adoring this lady is, however, is her Guardian. Who would have thought he'd see Alec again in  _ this  _ life? 

Alec seems surprised, too, his mouth opening a bit when he sees him. “Magnus.”

“Hello, Alec.”, Magnus smiles and gives him a wave. “What a nice surprise.”

Like every time Magnus has seen him - whether in his life or as a Guardian -, Alec is wearing a completely black outfit. Black shoes, black jeans and a black pullover that’s too big. That’s quite an achievement since he’s so tall. It’s also impressive that he looks good in it - it fits to his hair and underlines his paleness, making his dark eyes stick out even more. He’s always looked great.

Alec sighs in response. “Why do we keep meeting?”

Magnus shrugs softly. “If I didn’t know better, I’d guess we’re supposed to be in each other’s lives.”, he admits. “But since neither of us  _ has _ a life, that’s probably not the reason.”

Alec grimaces at that.

“Sorry, still not used to it, hm?”, Magnus asks. 

He doesn’t know if it’s normal to be pretty indifferent about the fact that you’re  _ dead _ after some time, after all, he’s never talked to another Guardian but Alec before. Maybe it’s just the fact that he’s never really been too fond of what his life looked like in general. Maybe it’s harder the more loved you’ve been.

He should probably try out if he can talk to another Guardian, too, or if it’s limited to Alec. Because if it is, nobody could tell him it’s a coincidence that they keep running into each other. Not that he’s actually thinking that it is, but it’s always better to be safe than sorry. He’ll try tomorrow.

Alec shakes his head to answer his question. “Are you ever?”

“I hope.”, Magnus says. 

Not because  _ he _ needs it but because he knows Alec needs it. His reaction to Sofia has shown that he’s still tied to his own life, to his family and how it’s been. How hard is it to see other’s lives pass when you’ve not yet finished with yours? Magnus can’t remember.

 

Naturally, they see each other every night from then on. They talk more and more, caused by the fact that they’re pretty much each other’s only company. Magnus has tried to talk to every Guardian he encounters and either each of them has decided to ignore him, or the ability to have a chat is limited to him and Alec.

And while he’s been determined to help Alec get over his life, he does it with a strange method. He’s talking about  _ his _ life. He’s never done that, not even with his protégés - not even when they asked, hoping to catch something from his story. 

No, he’s only ever told them the most basic things - that he’s bi, where he’s been born, maybe even  _ when _ he’s lived. But nothing more. Nothing about his fucked up family or what he’s done for a living - nothing.

Alec, however, knows pretty much everything about him soon enough. That is, as much as Magnus remembers. A lot of things have been lost with the centuries, mixed with other people’s stories - but then again there are things he’s buried so deep in himself, they’ve never been in danger to be truly changed or forgotten. And Alec has the power to unlock something in him.

But there’s one topic they never talk about: death. Alec doesn’t want to know how Magnus died and Magnus doesn’t want to know how Alec died. Magnus doesn’t know if Alec got older than his siblings. Magnus doesn’t even know if Alec got older than Raphael. And it doesn’t matter. Nobody should have to go through that again.

However, it’s inevitable that their protégés die eventually, so Magnus takes up an opportunity one day. 

“Tell you what.”, he nudges Alec’s shoulder to raise his attention. They’ve both looked out of the window while Olivia washed Johann. “If we meet again in the next lives, you have to kiss me.”

Alec looks at him with a horrified expression. “Why’d I do that?”

“Come on, I’m hot, you’re hot and we’re the only ones who can interact  _ somehow _ . Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed.”, Magnus says. “That must mean something, right?”

Alec huffs in response.

And Magnus smiles. It wasn’t a no.

 

Johann has been in his late 70s when Alec had stepped back into Magnus’ point of view. He’d suffered a stroke not too long before that and that alone in addition to his age could never guarantee that he has to live much longer.

He dies half a year after Olivia has taken up his care.

 

Magnus’ next protégé is a boy born into a big family. Timothy has three older sisters. When he’s six, another is added. A part of Magnus was kind of hoping her Guardian would be Alec, but he knows it would be pretty impossible, considering how young Olivia has been.

He  _ knows _ he’ll see him again. There’s no way they’ve met each other so often just to have it stop at random. 

He can be patient. Even if Alec is the only person whom Magnus has really talked to since he died, it doesn’t mean he’s  _ desperate _ to see him again.

He catches himself thinking about the other a few times - well, more than a few times. Wondering what he’s doing now when Olivia is busy with patients -  _ Alec _ had been the one who’d always turn around when it gets too intimate, despite the fact that whomever Olivia is taking care of wouldn’t know they’re watched. Usually, he would’ve picked up a conversation - Olivia only had to take care of Johann back then, so they were pretty much stuck with each other.

Sometimes he scolds himself for thinking about Alec so much. After all, he's supposed to pay attention to the people he's looking after. What if someone came to harm just because he was daydreaming? He can't really push away the thoughts completely, but he's limited them to the night-time, when Tim is asleep. 

Timothy is thirteen when his little sister starts school. He's currently in a phase of disliking everything others consider nice and only goes to her first day of school because his dad practically forced him. 

Magnus is glad that he did. He's been a bit annoyed at the banter the two guys were having, but now that he's here and sets eyes on  _ Alec _ once more, he's thankful. 

It surprises him a little to see him  _ now _ \- after all, Johann’s death was only 13 years ago and Olivia had been pretty young, but sometimes people die early. It bugs him that Alec has had two of such cases in a row. 

Alec doesn't see him until after the speeches. Up to then he's been at one end of the hall, Magnus at the other and a mass of people and their Guardian Angels between them. He can't be mad that he hasn't seen him. 

When he does, however, his eyes light up and a small smile is appearing on his lips. There's only a few metres between them and before Magnus can even think about doing anything, Alec is stepping up to him. 

“Hel--”, Magnus starts but is cut off when Alec grabs his jacket’s collar and pulls him closer - crashing their lips together. 

It's a hard kiss at first, their jaw clenching against each other, but soon they both relax and Magnus manages to part his lips, forcing Alec to do the same. The kiss doesn't last long enough. 

“How did I deserve this?”, Magnus breathes when they part. 

He can see a faint red on Alec’s cheeks as he shrugs. “I had some time to think about your offer.”

Magnus smiles. “Hope it doesn't always take so long.”

Alec snorts and steps back, bringing a bit more space between them. “Our protégés are not if the same age, are they?”

“Mine is 13.”

“6 and a half.”

“Hm,” is all Magnus makes at that. He’d thought maybe Alec’s protégé was another older sibling. That somehow, their protégés could become friends and they could see each other more often. Now he can only hope that Alec’s protégé and Liz could end up together, but he knows how rare that is.

He’s been downright flirting with Alec for a while now - successfully even, judging by the kiss they shared - but he’d never admit how much he’s  _ hoping _ to see Alec again. Not just because he likes Alec a lot, but also because he’s a change in his “life”. He’s used to being alone, only ever talking to someone every 5 lives or so, and now he can talk to Alec so often - he’s gotten used to  _ that  _ way too soon.

“Suppose that doesn’t mean we’re bound to meet again.”, Alec says. 

Magnus has noticed before that more of than not that Alec just  _ states _ things, hiding his feelings about the things he’s talking about. “Sad about that?”, he wants to know, giving him a sly grin.

“What do you think?”, Alec replies, not meeting his eyes.

“ _ I _ think it’d--”, Magnus starts but then he notices how Timothy’s family starts moving towards the exit. “Now that’s a pity.”

He can’t wait for Alec’s reaction - the family’s about to leave the building and he actually  _ can’t _ stay away from them. He’s tried it once, in his early years, and before he knew it, he was basically  _ beamed _ back to his protégé’s side. It wasn’t a too pleasant experience (which is fascinating, considering he can’t actually  _ feel _ anything - but he remembers a weird twist in his stomach, as if someone tried to punish him for neglecting his duties), so he does his best to avoid it. And hurries after them.

“Magnus!”, he hears Alec call just before he’s out of the room and turns to face him. “I hope we’ll see each other.”

Magnus gives him a smile - a sad one, a hopeful one.

Needless to say, they don’t meet again. Not in this life.

 

Magnus’ next protégé is a twin. He doesn’t know how exactly he knows it, judging by the fact that his child is the first-born and has only been on this world for a second. There’s no way he could logically know and yet he does.

He follows the nurse as she goes to clean and way the little girl and looks around to determine where he is - the writings on the signs are in English, so it’s not really helping. English is the official language in too many countries.

He doesn’t know how much time passes until another nurse rushes into the room, bringing in the other child.

And she’s accompanied by no one else but Alec.

Magnus can’t hold onto himself - he hasn’t seen Alec in so long, his heart has been aching to see the other, to talk to him, to laugh with him, to discuss what their protégés are up to-- he walks over and  _ this time _ he’s the one to grab him and plant a kiss on his lips.

“Please tell me you’re her twins’ Guardian.”, Magnus sighs, leaning his forehead against Alec’s.

Alec doesn’t say anything but gives him a wide smile, expressing more than a thousand words could.

 

It’s kind of weird to have Alec around him so often. He’s used to seeing him - every once in awhile or maybe even regularly, but  _ never _ all the time. 

He’s never actually even thought about something like that happening to him. Yes, he’s used to being around the same person 24/7 since it comes with the job, but usually there’s this kind of barrier between them. Usually he feels like he’s just watching TV. Now it’s like having a  _ partner _ .

He’s not sure if that’s what they really are. He certainly  _ enjoys _ having Alec around - he’s interesting and won’t back away from discussing things, maybe even fight about them. He’s a calm person and at the same time he can be excited - he’s intriguing and Magnus  _ likes _ it.

On top of that, they do quite a lot of couple-y things. They touch each other at random - probably just because they  _ can _ . They also kiss but not as much as Magnus would like. He’s sure Alec is denying it because he’s determined to be aware of the situation at all times. Magnus knows he shouldn’t be annoyed by that, after all he’s here to look out for Maxi, but he does pout a lot. 

At a few sentimental times, Magnus catches himself thinking that it’s like he and Alec are watching their own kids grow up. Simply because they’ve been together for the entirety of Maxi and Joe’s lives.

Twins are known to be together for a long while, even when they’re adults. But somehow,  _ thei _ r twins are not like this. 

It’s started in their teenage years. The reason, Magnus doesn’t know because their interests are similar and they’ve barely ever been apart until then. But more often than not, they’d go out with different people and start to spend less and less time with each other. It’s not like they hate each other, but they’re not as dependent on each other as you’d think.

So, of course, when they’re old enough, they start looking for different colleges.

Naturally, both he and Alec know about what’s going on. They’re looking over their respective protégé’s shoulder as they send in applications - Maxi to colleges here in New York, while Joe wants to go abroad. And yet, they never talk about it.

There’s no way Alec doesn’t know what it means for  _ them _ . Even if they haven’t discussed their relationship status - they are in no position to claim something as mundane as that. They are no humans, not anymore, and their situation is too special for any like that, but they are both aware that whatever it is between them, it will be destroyed soon enough.

 

The night before Joe leaves for  _ Sweden _ of all places, the family goes out for dinner again. Neither of the children has a particularly good relationship to their mum and dad, but one member of the bunch leaving for another continent is a big thing nonetheless.

The parents’ Guardians are ignoring not only Magnus and Alec but also each other. Magnus has been surprised about them not talking to each other before he realized that that’s  _ normal _ . He’d pretty much forgotten that for some reason, only he and Alec can talk and touch each other while no other Guardians can, regardless of how long they’re by each other’s sides.

He knows it’s not normal that he and Alec are holding hands as they follow the little family, and yet he can’t feel weird about it. His hand in Alec’s is the best thing that’s ever happened to him - not only in his afterlife but also before. He’s never felt  _ this _ connected to a person. Sometimes he wonders if it’s just because he hasn’t been in contact with anyone for so long, but he’d rather not ruin this by thinking too much.

The dinner goes by in a rush and soon enough, they’re all on their way back home. Magnus smiles when he sees the twins’ arms linked to each other as they talk quietly.

“Magnus,” Alec breathes.

He and Magnus are basically wrapped around each other, aware that this may be the last evening they spend together in a long time. Magnus loves that Alec is taller than him because it means he can curl his arm around the other’s waist and feel Alec’s arm around his  _ back _ . It’s comfortable.

“I’m not sure if I want to hear whatever you’re going to say.”

In reply, Alec lets out a soft chuckle. “Have I ever told you why I saw my Guardian?”

“You said it was before you proposed to your girlfriend.”, Magnus states. “You never said if you did, in the end.”

“I did.”, Alec says. “My Guardian told me not to do it.”

“Why?”

“I didn’t love her. … I’m gay.”, Alec says softly. “But the thing is, I didn’t love anyone else either. I’ve never been true to myself or anyone else, for that matter. That is… until now.”

“Alec… Don’t.”

“Why not?”

“There’s a lot of reasons. First, we’re literally dead. Second, we’re about to part tomorrow and who knows if we’ll ever see each other again? Third, who says we’d even  _ like _ each other if we weren’t the only people to talk to?”, Magnus says. “Don’t use big words where you can’t be sure of them.”

“You think we’d not be like this if we were… alive?”

“I don’t know.”, Magnus says. “And we’ll never find out. Do you think we could have love where  _ nothing _ else is?”

“Are you saying…?”

“Alec, I like you. A lot. But the thing is, currently there’s us and nothing else. Nothing to compare whatever this is to. Nothing to test. Nothing we could do besides interact with each other. I don’t think this is what love is about.”

Alec presses his lips together. His eyes look incredibly sad, even in the dim light they’re in. 

“Let’s just enjoy this how it is.”, Magnus says. “And for the rest of the time we have.”

Alec stays quiet. Magnus shuts up, too, simply because he’s run out of words. He could try to explain the whole thing to Alec again but he wouldn’t know how. He barely understands his own feelings as it is. Plus he’s learned to leave Alec to his silence at times.

He only talks again when they’re back at the house and their protégés are about to dive into their respective rooms.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”, Alec states, his hands folded behind his back. Magnus has seen that posture on him a lot of times already and has wondered if Alec used to be a soldier or something the like. Why has he never asked?

“Alec--”, Magnus says but then Maxi closes her door and he gets portaled into her room and away from Alec.

 

Guardian Angels do not sleep. They’re dead and more of a transcendent nature rather than a physical. But still, their minds are active throughout the whole day and, frankly, minds can be exhausted, too . They have a specific kind of rest - somehow comparable to meditation, probably, that sets in when their protégé has slept for while. But somehow, this night Magnus’ mind is so active that it just doesn't happen. 

He's thinking about Alec, naturally. About what he's said to him last night. He meant it, truly, but at the same time he feels like he's done the greatest mistake  _ ever _ . He can't help but think that he's ruined whatever that is between him and Alec by denying the other to say the words he's been thinking about himself. 

Alec has been distanced for the rest of the evening and Magnus can't be mad about that. If he were to react to  _ that _ , he'd probably have a more active stand rather than going quiet. 

Soon enough, Maxi wakes up again. She’s needed quite a while to fall asleep herself and as he watches her look in the mirror, he sees a kind of incredible sadness on her face. Does she regret not having been as close to her brother anymore? 

Alec avoids him when they’re downstairs, standing behind their respective protégés. He isn’t like the others, who openly stare past Magnus, but looks down on the floor more than anything. 

The whole company is pretty silent and unnecessary polite as if they don’t want to do anything wrong when one of them is about to leave for good. They’re pretty much acting the same as Alec and Magnus do.

Once they’re outside, however, about to drop Joe into his car, they can’t continue doing nothing. Neither of them.

Magnus steps closer to Alec in the same moment their protégés are starting to talk to each other. Alec looks up to him, eyes wide and his mouth pressed into a thin line.

“Alexander…”, Magnus starts, not sure how to continue. What do you say to someone in your last moments together?

Alec shakes his head softly and turns so that he and Magnus are standing chest to chest. He curls his hand against the back of Magnus’ neck, pulling his closer and kissing him. 

It’s a desperate kiss, their mouths not really fitting with the force that’s behind their movements. It’s hard and hurtful and Magnus can taste a faint hint of salt coming from tears.

“Hey, you two! No offense, but knock it off!”, the family’s dad suddenly calls, making them look up.

There’s nobody in the street but their little group so their eyes immediately trail over to where the siblings are standing. They’re side by side and looking into  _ their _ direction. And much to Magnus’ surprise, so are the parents. He can’t see their Guardians.

“They… can see us?”, Alec mutters, keeping his eyes fixed on the group.

“I feel like you’d want as much privacy as us so... ?”, the dad suggests, shrugging a little.

Magnus looks back at Alec for a second and sees confusion and surprise written onto his face. There is  _ no  _ way that this is possible…

“Yes, of course.”, he says before he can’t even start to fathom what’s going on and grabs Alec by the hand. “Sorry.”, he adds, giving the family a small smile.

_ And they look straight back at him _ , confused expression on their faces.

Alec is frozen where they stand - Magnus actively has to  _ pull _ him away. When they’ve turned around the next corner, Magnus looks down at his hands. Usually, he’d have been transported back to his protégé’s side to keep an eye on her. And yet he’s here.

“... What?”, Alec breathes. When Magnus looks up he sees him touching the lamp post.

He’s actually  _ touching  _ something.

“We’re... “

“... Alive?”

Magnus kneels down to touch the sidewalk. The asphalt is cold against his skin, waiting for the sun to come out. “How is this possible?”

“I suppose we’ll never find out.”, Alec says softly and comes over to kneel down next to him. “But if I didn’t know better, I’d assume this is a  _ chance _ .”

 

“Magnus?”, Alec calls as he closes the door behind him. “I brought food!”

“I’m here!”, Magnus calls weakly, raising an arm to show his boyfriend where he’s lying on the couch. 

He hears Alec chuckle as he steps up to him, sitting on the armrest of the couch above his head. 

“How’s the bathroom coming?”, Alec asks as he smiles down at him.

Magnus grimaces. “You’ve had multiple centuries to get a sense of humour and yet…”

Alec playfully huffs at him.

“I finished two walls today and now my  _ legs _ feel like they’re about  _ to fall off _ .”, Magnus says dramatically. Actually, he’s not used to the fact that his body can  _ ache _ yet so he doesn’t mind as much, but he’s always liked to play the drama queen. Plus, maybe Alec would give him a massage…

They’ve been put into this life - their own life, their life together - about two weeks ago, without any clue about what to do. And for the first few days, that’s been no issue. They’ve been so eager to be back to feeling things, to experience them, to be noticed by other people, that it didn’t matter they’ve had to sleep on benches. But in the middle of the third day, other normal feelings like  _ hunger _ have reached the rest of their bodies and they figured that they needed to  _ do _ something.

Magnus has learned quite a lot in the lives he’s watched in the past. Not everyone has been good and he’s watched some of his protégés do criminal work. He doesn’t feel good about getting money and new identities more or less illegally but what else were they supposed to do? Nobody would have believed the truth.

Sometimes you need to bend the rules to live.

They’ve managed to get a small apartment (well, maybe Magnus has added a few references to his résumé to have better chances) and Alec has started working at a small coffee shop down the street so that they could get out of the frankly criminal situation soon enough. Magnus is renovating the flat and once he’s finished, he’ll go look for a job, too.

It’s weird so far, that he has nobody to  _ constantly _ keep an eye on. That he can live his life through his own eyes rather than those of a person he’s bound to follow around. To have his own life again after so many centuries.

“Proud of you.”, Alec hums and gets up from his seat again. “Come on up, I got gyro.”

“I can’t remember if I ever actually had some before.”, Magnus admits as he sits up. He can’t help but smile when he feels a sting of pain rush through his body when he stands up. “Wasn’t exactly a meal in Batavia back when…”

“There’s quite a lot we have to discover, huh?”, Alec replies, setting cutlery down at the table. 

“I’m glad we can do it together.”, Magnus states, hugging him from behind. “We’re quite the dream team.”

He’s already thought a lot about what was going on between them back when they were Guardians, but now that they’re practically in a different  _ world _ . Their dynamic changed - and at the same time it didn’t. 

Now they can’t make out in the middle of the street anymore, not caring about anyone watching them and being offended. But that’s okay because now, when they’re in a more private environment, they can lose themselves in each other completely, not having to think about anyone getting hurt because they didn’t pay attention.

At times, there’s just them. And at other times, there’s so much more. So much that they haven’t been able to consider a part of  _ their _ world any more because they weren’t a part of  _ that _ world.

“Oh, are we?”, Alec cocks an eyebrow. “And here I thought we had nothing to compare us to?”

Magnus can tell that he’s teasing by how one corner of his mouth is twitching, eager to curl into a smile. He presses a kiss against his neck. “Well, now we do.”

**Author's Note:**

> My friend [Jamie](http://archiveofourown.com/users/oathofsilence) told me to go for the _extremely cheesy_ ending. I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Feel free to leave comments of constructive criticism, seeing as I've never written a Malec fic before.  
> Thanks for reading!


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